ANONYMOUS ASKS: So my friend has had a boyfriend for about a month now and he is nice to her but a jerk to me and the rest of my friends. Their relationship is getting serious and my friends don’t know if we should tell her how we feel. He’s a real jerk. What should I do?
Well, I do have to say that this a really sticky situation. On one hand, you really want to tell her how you feel, but on the other, you know it is more likely than not just going to annoy/upset her. Bottom line: you, nor any of your friends, deserves to be treated poorly. And if it was me, I wouldn’t want/tolerate my boyfriend being anything less than nice to any of my friends. It’s possible that your friend doesn’t even notice it.
Many people would think that you and all of the people involved in the situation should go up to your friend to explain your feelings. This, however, could not be any more wrong. While you might think that holding a little “intervention” with many people would make your viewpoints credible, it would simply just seem like you are all attacking the girl with the boyfriend. In turn, she would become extremely defensive, ignore everything you’re saying, and then probably look to the boyfriend to comfort her.
Instead, one of you should simply voice your concerns in a calm manner. You have every right to feel the way you’re feeling, and if she’s a true friend, she’ll care about your thoughts. If the conversation doesn’t go well and your friend won’t listen to what you have to say, turn to pen and paper and write her a letter/note. I know it sounds quite out-dated and old-fashioned, but sometimes you just have to get all of your thoughts down without being interrupted. When you’re having a conversation with someone, naturally his/her guard is up and rather than absorb your words, he/she tends to be brainstorming comebacks and excuses. By giving this person the time to simply just read what you have to say, however, in a relaxed, comfortable setting, you are more likely to get your point across.
Whatever you do, don’t keep your emotions and feelings bottled up because they WILL come spilling out and it WILL get messy. Always voice your opinion and express your feelings. You have every right to!