NICOLE ASKS: Hi Clancy! I have this one friend that always texts me like 20 times in under 30 seconds! Sometimes I try to ignore the texts but then she’ll get mad and say that I’m always busy. How do I tell her to leave me alone and to stop being so needy without losing her as a friend?
Your simple, easy solution to this problem lies in her accusation of you always being busy. When she says that, all you have to say is, “Yes, I am!” When you become friends with someone, it doesn’t mean you sign up to be glued to that person’s side for 15 hours out of every day. Not at all. And this is something that I actually used to deal with a lot a few years ago.
I became known (amongst my family) as the person who made up the most random, elaborate excuses when friends would ask me to hang out. My friends probably eventually caught on considering it seemed to be “my grandparent’s 50th anniversary” every other month. (Cut me some slack – after a while it gets hard to be creative!)
My family would ask me why I lie to all of my so-called friends about what I was doing. If they were my friends, why wouldn’t I want to hang out with them?
And the answer is simple: Because I need time for myself! It’s as simple as that. I have come to realize that not everyone cherishes alone time, but for me, it is absolutely essential. I just love being by myself sometimes. I don’t always need someone around and I don’t always need someone to talk to. Sometimes I just like to get lost in my own thoughts for a while.
Everything that I’m writing right now is exactly what you could and should tell your friend. It’s not wrong to feel this way and telling the truth will be so much easier. Even if it might be hard for your friend to understand why you need more alone time than she does, if she’s a true friend, she’ll at least accept it. And if not? Hasta la vista.
Thanks for the question. I hope this helped!
For anyone else who needs advice on any topic, you can ask it here: http://ask.fm/clanceebee_